Built to Last

Have you ever heard someone say "things aren't built like they used to be?"

Ever wonder why that is?  My parents bought a trailer for their lake place in 1992 and the trailer is from the 1960's if I recall.  It came with a fridge from that era, and the fridge still ran and worked great up until at least the mid 2000's.  Sure, it was small, and it probably used way more power than a new modern one did, but the point it, it still worked.

I remember my father always said, "Use it up, wear it out, for if you don't, you will be without."

Basically, don't replace something just because there is somehting new out there.  Use it until it is no longer usable.

It seems that with many products we buy today that the usable life is truncated and things don't last like they used to.  Although I have no proof of it, I can surmise it has to do with one thing - PROFIT.  If companies make things that last forever, they will not make as much money if it lasts 50 years vs. 5 years.

Almost a year ago I got frustrated with how much money I was wasting to keep my face shaved.  I started looking at alternatives and  I ran across wet shaving with a double edge safety razor.  It is cheaper in the long run (and even in the first year it is cheaper) and I get a much smoother and enjoyable shave.  I actually ENJOY shaving instead of dreading the ripping, tugging and tearing that the Fusion cartridges were giving me.  I spend about $0.10 a week on a blade instead of $2.50 (new Fusion Power cartridge every other week).  Yeah, that is $5.20 a year on blades.

One of my friends also started shaving this way using an old Gillette adjustable DE razor.  Gillette no longer makes DE razor bodies, only the blades.  My friend asked me why this is since the Gillette razor was better than his Edwin Jager (because it is adjustable so he can make it less aggressive on his sensitive neck).

The answer is simple - MONEY.  Gillette can make MORE money by marketing products like the Fusion Power with their 5+1 blades and most people will think it is better as it has more blades, but most of the people shaving today have never shaved with a DE or even a straight razor to know what it is all about.

So keep that in mind the next time some ad on TV sounds so great with their corporate hype.  Like AT&T's MORE is BETTER!  I disagree, I got away from AT&T because at my house with 3-4 bars of service I will drop at least 3 calls every hours.

More is not always better, and don't be afraid to go back and do things the way that they used to be done.

Sometimes I think we may be better off sticking to old ways of doing some things. 

Running on fumes

Have you ever truly run out of gas?  In my car, I never have.  I do remember one time where I nearly did and my car was starting to cut out going up a hill.  Luckily I found a gas station around the next bend and was able to refill so I could keep going.

Recently, I had an experience where my body was literally running on fumes.  Due to some sinus congestion and inflammation, I was not able to get restful sleep for nearly 2 weeks.  I was traveling abroad, which I am sure contributed to the issue, but it also meant it was not feasible for me to go see my doctor to have it looked at.

Now, I want to elaborate - I hate going to see any medical professionals that are not my primary doctor.  My PCP is awesome, and I am lucky to have stumbled upon him when I did.  He is very realistic, down to earth, and understands that outside of a physical, I am only going to go see a doctor when I am thinking I am going to die if I don't go.  I have had issues going to urgent care facilities as they don't beleive me when I tell them that I had a temperature of 94°.  They thought that is impossible.  It was not impossible, I had a temperature of 94°.

Anywho, I spent 2 weeks, most of which I was in Qatar, getting no more than 4 hours of sleep a night and usually in 1-2 hour bursts.  I spent many hours awake in my hotel room pacing around going stir crazy.  My mind was not refreshed, or thinking properly.  It was literally running on fumes.  The only reason I could ever get to sleep was when I could barely keep awake or stand up.

The best analogy I can come up with for this is that it was like I was driving and my car was almost out of gas.  I found a gas station, and for whatever reason I could only manage to squeeze in 1-2 gallons of gas in the tank.  No real explanation why this was the case, but it just would not take any more.  So I had to continue on until I was on fumes again and stop for more.  I was frustrated that I could not just fill my tank up and then be all set for the day.

One of the big things I noticed is that when your body does not get what it needs, it tends to act....well...a bit weird.  I had many thoughts that actually scare the hell out of me that even crossed my mind about life, and what we are doing here on this earth.  I was truly living in a fog just living one moment to the next and not feeling like I had any purpose or drive to move forward towards a greater goal.  I was bored, had cabin fever and nothing seemed to entertain me.  Facebook, reading books, watching TV, playing smartphone games, youtube, etc. all seemed to fall short of anything I wanted to our could focus on for any length of time. 

After I returned to the 'States, I made an appointment to see my doctor and he got me squared away with some medicine, and all I can say is that drugs can be a wonderful thing when used properly.  I finally was able to get the sleep that I needed to get my mind, body and soul back on the proper track.

But, as humans we need more than just the basic needs of food, shelter and sleep.  Those are the bare minimum that we need to survive, there are many other facets of our lives that need to be nurtured in order for us to live happy and fulfilling life.  Over the past few months I have been working on many of these without realizing how much it would really change me, and how much some of these things are lacking.

With the fact that I no longer have my wife living in the same dwelling as I am, my social interaction when I am at home has gone way down.  Living in a 3 bedroom house as a bachelor is a huge change and can get lonely at times.  I have had to look for social interaction outside of my house which is something I have not had to do for more than a decade.  I do not get daily external interaction, however I do get more than enough to keep myself in check.  I am a very extroverted person (which is an understatement to anyone who knows me).

One other facet of my life that has gotten neglected over the past decade or more is my spiritual side.  I was brought up in a religious household and had many neighbors and friends that were (and still are) very active in the religious community.  In the past 3 months or so I have realized how much this aspect of me has been neglected, and it has affected my life in many negative ways.  I am not proud of this, but I am also not sad about it.  There is nothing that can be done about the past, all I can do is to move forward and change my future and nurture my soul to help it grow and feel a purpose.

With that said, I hope you all take some time to evaluate yourselves, mind body and soul, to make sure you are giving it the fuel it needs to allow it to run at its top performance.  Feeding my body pizza and beer for every meal is not going to allow me to sustain a long healthy life.  The same applies to neglecting my spiritual side as I am a spiritual being.  Not everyone has the same needs, just like every car has different needs for fuel and maintenance to keep it running in its best shape.

Forgiveness vs reconciliation

One item that most people are taught is the idea of forgiveness.  In my youth as a Christian, one value that I learned from the church was to ask for forgiveness and also to forgive anyone who has wronged me in the past.

Many people struggle with forgiveness, and especially the premise of forgive and forget.  The latter part can be very difficult to deal with.  

Recently, I was reading a book called Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud and it has a chapter that talked about how so many people struggle with the idea of forgiving, mostly because they are confused about what this really means.

for·give - /fərˈgiv/ - verb - stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

One will quickly notice that the definition of forgive mentions nothing about actually interacting with someone regarding the angry feelings about the offense. 

Most people tend to think that if we forgive someone that we are putting things back to normal, the way they were before said offense occurred.  This may not be the case, the process of mending a relationship is called reconciliation.

rec·on·cil·i·a·tion - /ˌrekənˌsilēˈāSHən/ - noun - the restoration of friendly relations.


Forgiveness is something that we choose to do, and it is all internal to our being and thoughts.  One does not have to tell anyone that they are forgiven, it is just simply something that we do when we are ready.  Yes, it can be tough to do, however I have found that it is crucial in moving forward and growing as a person. But, just because I choose to stop feeling anger or resentment towards a person does NOT mean that we are back to normal in our friendship.  I may choose not to reconcile with them for some time, or even ever.

Take this example:
Lets say you punch me in the face.  Hard.  Yes, there is a damn good chance that I deserved it because I am a first class jackass.

I will at some point (usually fairly quickly) forgive you for punching me in the face.  All this means is that I am choosing to no longer feel anger or hatred towards you for said act.  In many cases, it is very helpful to do this as when we hold anger inside and do not deal with it, it tends to fester and cause stress issues that can be harmful to ourselves.

However, I may choose not to reconcile with you for punching me in the face depending on a few factors:
Reason you punched me (what was I doing to you that provoked you to punch me)
Remorse - do you seem remorseful for punching me, or do you feel no remorse and would do it again
Apology - if you apologize for said action

Now there is no set formula to say that I would not reconcile with you if you felt no remorse because I truly deserved it for stealing that last bite of your prime rib that was in the very center, or perhaps I had just made you the punchline of a joke that offended you.  In this case, it may be up to ME to show remorse for my actions more than you need to show remorse.  Same goes for the apology.

After having read this passage, and taking some time to reflect on it and what it means to forgive, it has been extremely helpful for me to understand that as a human that I need to offer forgiveness to anyone who has ever wronged me in the past, and also to those who will wrong me in the future.  I need to do this for one person, ME.  It is not healthy to harbor anger, hate or resentment towards anyone.  It only does one thing - eats us up inside and causes us to be a sad, depressed and/or hateful person.

I truly believe that I have forgiven anyone in my past who has done me wrong and I am at peace.  That is not to say that I am on speaking terms with everyone who has done me wrong in the past, but they should take comfort in the fact that I am not angry or mad at them.

Brutal Honesty

Honesty is the quality of being honest.

hon·est  - adjective \ˈä-nəst\
1 - good and truthful : not lying, stealing, or cheating
2 - showing or suggesting a good and truthful character
3 - not hiding the truth about someone or something : not meant to deceive someone

Honesty is one of the qualities we are all taught at a young age.  Do not lie, tell the truth.  If you want true, brutal honesty, ask a child (5-10 years old) what they think of something.  Most humans of this age have not learned about being honest vs. being nice and saying something that won't hurt someone else's feelings.

Have you ever heard a child ask their mom or dad whilst in public - Why is that guy so fat?  Yes, I have heard this when in public.  It is no secret that I have a little bit of what you might refer to as a "weight problem".  Do I get offended when someone calls me fat to my face, or makes comments about it when in ear shot?

No.  Why not, I should have the right to get offended at this, however it is no secret that I am what the medical field refers to as morbidly obese.  It is a choice I have made (consciously or subconsciously) to consume more calories every day than I use.  Not everyone views it this way, and it is a struggle for many of us every day.  I may be overweight, however I am not just a lazy guy.  I am able to climb flights of stairs and quite often I will opt for the stairs over the elevator unless it is over about 8-10 flights, or I have heavy suitcases to carry. I am comfortable and confident in owning the fact that I am what I am.

Why are we so afraid to be honest with each other as adults?  Best I can surmise is that it has to do with the human need to be social and have friends to share our lives with.  We do not want to say anything to offend someone else for fear that they may stop associating with us.

I have had my fair shares of being brutally honest with my friends and family.  I can tell you that there will be 1 of 3 outcomes from a dose of brutal honest:
1 - They will never want to talk to you ever again
2 - They are mad for a while but eventually realize number 3
3 - They will respect you for being frank and earnest with them and not trying to placate them.

In my experience, most of my friends end up in the third category eventually.  Their instinct is to jump into the second category, but after thinking about what was said and realizing that it is just honesty they tend to come around to respecting me for voicing my opinion.  If they choose to jump into the first category and stay there, then I really don't care to have them as my friend. 

"I'd rather you hate me for everything I am than have you love me for something that I can't (be)"

   - Five Finger Death Punch

I have had some experiences lately where I have chosen NOT to be brutally honest with some people I have been around as have they made the same decision.  What has happened is our relationship was based on half-truths because we were not both being 100% honest with each other about our relationship.  This caused things in our friendship to appear to be good, when really we were walking on thin ice.

When this happens, it is hard to say what will happen when the ice gives way.  Will it be every person for themselves, or will you both work together to get out of the frigid waters together and back to safety?

With that being said, I am going to embrace being honest with those I love and care about.  If it offends you and you cant take it, then it is best that we part ways. I have said for many years - I am an equal opportunity offender.

I am not concerned about losing friends by doing this.  I know my core closest friends that will be there for me no matter what (even if it involves a walk in the woods at night with a shovel and a body) if I am brutally honest with them. 

This is not to say that I am going to offer my opinion to everyone I know and tell them what I think about their appearance, how they are raising their children, or their choice in music.  However if someone asks me if their jeans make their butt look fat, I am not going to tell them what they want to hear, I will tell them what I truly feel even if this means that we do not talk again for a while, or ever.  Best to be truthful to them so they do not make a fool out of themselves.

Building your team

team - noun \ tēm\ : a group of people who work together

The definition of team is a bit ambiguous as to how well they work together, or what they are working towards, however one would assume that the entire team would be working towards a common goal, and that they should also work well together.

Most of us will immediately think of the teams of our favorite sport, such as football, baseball, basketball, rugby, soccer, or even NASCAR race teams.

All of these teams have a goal - to be the best in their sport and to beat other teams in their league.  As many of you know, I am an avid Buffalo Bills and also Sabres fan.  I am quite used to having my team NOT do very well and they rarely accomplish their goals.  The Sabres are still DEAD LAST in the NHL conference as a whole for this year.

So, what happens when a team is not doing well?  Changes need to be made.  Those who are performing poorly tend to be cut from the team, and it may be necessary to find out why some players are not working well with others on the team.  If these changes do not work, it may be necessary to make even bigger changes that involve changing the team's leadership (coaches).

Even then it still may take time for the changes to help out.  Keep in mind all of the other teams are doing everything they can to improve themselves and be the best they can be too! 

I have a few friends that when they need something they will post something on a social media site that begins with "Team" followed by their name.

I think this is a neat concept and feel honored that these people think of me as someone who is on their team.

This got me thinking about my team, what the goals are, and who I want on my team.  Now, there is not an option to swap out the coach on Team John, however the players on the team should be there to help him out.  Some members on the team are there for moral support, some for comedic relief, and others to be cheerleaders. 

There are others that are on my team that used to be helpful for me and my goals, but now they are just riding the pine as of late.

Needless to say I have been doing a lot of thinking about my team roster, and what needs to be done to keep my team performing the best that it can. 

Keep in mind that just because I have you as a friend/follower on a social media site does not mean you are automatically on my team, that is a privilige that is only afforded to a select few.  You know who you are, and when I make my cuts, you may not know it right away, but you will learn soon enough when things change between us and I no longer come an lean on you for support.  But those who are on Team John, you are well aware of who you are and I am very greatful to have you in my life to support me on this journey. 

I strongly urge all of you to think about the team that you have assembled to help you on your journey through life and work on building a team that is there to help push you to be the best you can be and also get you to the goals you want to accomplish in life and most importantly love you and support you for who you are.

Regretting your hindsight

I am sure you have all heard that hindsight is 20/20.  Sure, looking back we could say that we could've or should've have done something different at some point, however doing this is like living with regrets.  I believe in living with no regrets, kinda like this guy:

Well, he may have one regret if he ever learns how to spell...

Every day we make decisions.  Each decision is calculated on what we think is best for us at that given moment and is based on the cards we have in our hand. 

• Should I call in sick today?
• Red shirt or green shirt?  
• Should I take the highway or back roads to work? 

Living in the past done nothing for us other than to cause anxiety about what could have been.  At the same time it is not good to live in the future about what you will be doing or where you will be in 1 year, 5 years, or 20 years from now.  This causes stress about moving towards your plan, and ulitmately being let down when you do not achieve your goals.

I have had people over the years tell me how they are jealous of one or more facet of my life: what I have, what I do, where I work, where I travel.  To these people, I will say this - don't be jealous of me or wish you could trade places.  Where I am is a collection of MY life experiences.  Each of you have a collection of your own life experiences that makes you (for better or worse) who you are today, what you believe in and so fourth. 

My life may seem great, decent job, jetsetting lifestyle (as I sit at Heathrow airport typing this up), and up until recently a seemingly great marriage.

My life has not turned out anything like what I expected it to be when I was a kid,  teenager or even as a college student.  It has turned out BETTER than I ever could have imagined!  Despite my current situation there is not one thing I would change about it, or anything in the past.  And the woman I married?  I just want her to be happy and find happiness.  I wish nothing bad on her and I still care about her and want nothing but the best for her.  I am a much better person for having known her and she is a huge part of the reason that I am who I am today, and that I am where I am today.  We do not know what the future holds, life is a journey and not a destination.

I am trying my best to live in the present.  Take each day for what it is, a day.  I recently watched Varsity Blues where the coach said to his players, "48 minutes for the next 48 years of your life."  Live the next 48 minutes for what it really is, 48 minutes.  Live each day for today.  Make the best of it, and be sure those who you love know how much you love and care about them.  Each breath could be your last, though hopefully we all have many many more.

I have also had a lot of people offer me sympathy, pity or other emotions for my change in my situation recently.  Although it is great to know I have friends who care about me enough to offer these, I do not need or want your pity or sympathy.  I have found my life to be much more fulfilling in the past few months by embracing the joys of what I have than to embrace the sorrow of what I lost. 

Life is like a grind stone.  It wears you out or sharpens you up, it just depends on what you are made of.
In the past, I was letting life wear me out but I have turned myself around to where I am getting sharpened up again.  It is a slow process, but it is worth it.  And to anyone else who is letting life wear you down, know this - you ARE worth fighting for!

Greener grass - Most of you have also heard the phrase "The grass is greener on the other side if the fence."  One lesson I have learned myself is that if the grass is greener on the other side, maybe you should look and see what you are doing to the grass on your side of the fence.  Stop pissing in your grass and actually taking care of it and you would be surprised how green your grass can get.

If you are envious of of someone's station in life as compared to your own, rather than sulk about how unfair it is, or garner hatred towards those individuals, it is so much better and healthier to ask yourself what YOU can do to change your station in life.  You are the one in control of your life (along with God if you believe in him).  Once you realize what can be done, start doing what needs to be done to improve yourself.  Then throw out that mirror that causes you to look at your past and then start watering, fertilizing and aerating your grass so it is as lush and green as you want it to be.

With that being said, I am going to sign off and wish you the best.  Catch you all when I get back State-side.

Life ≠ Work

Wow, it is amazing how busy life can get from time to time.  I have not pestered my loyal reader(s) with any new updates here for 5 months, so I best get crackin!

I am often amazed when I look back at a time period and realize how much work dominates my life.  I know I am not alone and many others fight this same battle silently thinking they are the only one.

For the most part, we all have to work so we can live our lives.  Something to do with paying bills so we can have a roof over our heads and such.  But, without realizing it one can just get consumed with their work and next thing you know you say: 

Holy Crap!  Where did the time go? 

because you were so consumed in your work and let it take over your life. 

Since I last posted, I have logged about 1400 work ours and it has only been about 3600 hours, and I have spent over 1000 hours of that sleeping.  This leaves about 1200 hours of non-working ME time.  No wonder I am scratching my head wondering what happened!

Many employers are always trying to help us manage our work life balance.  I know mine sure is.  But, from what I can tell, the only way they are happy with it is when

WORK = LIFE. 

This is NO BUENO!

The past few weeks have had me thinking a lot about my life, and what is important.  Making sure I can pay my bills is important, but at what cost to my personal life?  It is similar to balancing your purchases.  I know some people with really nice houses and average cars and they are struggling to make their next payment because they over-indulged in their house and have no way to enjoy life and take a vacation because they are now house-poor.  I also know some people who opted to go for a smaller house (or condo/townhouse) that may cramp their style a bit, but then they can afford the car they want AND still have some spending money left over.  I do not feel like I am house-poor, but as all of us, I would love to have more money!

Do I love my job?  Hell yes!  I get to go to some neat places (and some not so neat) and get paid for it.  Some days it feels like a vacation, but others it feels like I am being punished.  

So, I just have to say that take the time to do something YOU want to do every now and again.  Get yourself a treat, toy, gadget, game, night on the town, movie, etc.  You are worth it and deserve it.  Life is not how much money you made, it is where you went, who you talked to and what you did that defines your life.

Remember this:

Do not take life to seriously, you won't make it out alive.