Brutal Honesty

Honesty is the quality of being honest.

hon·est  - adjective \ˈä-nəst\
1 - good and truthful : not lying, stealing, or cheating
2 - showing or suggesting a good and truthful character
3 - not hiding the truth about someone or something : not meant to deceive someone

Honesty is one of the qualities we are all taught at a young age.  Do not lie, tell the truth.  If you want true, brutal honesty, ask a child (5-10 years old) what they think of something.  Most humans of this age have not learned about being honest vs. being nice and saying something that won't hurt someone else's feelings.

Have you ever heard a child ask their mom or dad whilst in public - Why is that guy so fat?  Yes, I have heard this when in public.  It is no secret that I have a little bit of what you might refer to as a "weight problem".  Do I get offended when someone calls me fat to my face, or makes comments about it when in ear shot?

No.  Why not, I should have the right to get offended at this, however it is no secret that I am what the medical field refers to as morbidly obese.  It is a choice I have made (consciously or subconsciously) to consume more calories every day than I use.  Not everyone views it this way, and it is a struggle for many of us every day.  I may be overweight, however I am not just a lazy guy.  I am able to climb flights of stairs and quite often I will opt for the stairs over the elevator unless it is over about 8-10 flights, or I have heavy suitcases to carry. I am comfortable and confident in owning the fact that I am what I am.

Why are we so afraid to be honest with each other as adults?  Best I can surmise is that it has to do with the human need to be social and have friends to share our lives with.  We do not want to say anything to offend someone else for fear that they may stop associating with us.

I have had my fair shares of being brutally honest with my friends and family.  I can tell you that there will be 1 of 3 outcomes from a dose of brutal honest:
1 - They will never want to talk to you ever again
2 - They are mad for a while but eventually realize number 3
3 - They will respect you for being frank and earnest with them and not trying to placate them.

In my experience, most of my friends end up in the third category eventually.  Their instinct is to jump into the second category, but after thinking about what was said and realizing that it is just honesty they tend to come around to respecting me for voicing my opinion.  If they choose to jump into the first category and stay there, then I really don't care to have them as my friend. 

"I'd rather you hate me for everything I am than have you love me for something that I can't (be)"

   - Five Finger Death Punch

I have had some experiences lately where I have chosen NOT to be brutally honest with some people I have been around as have they made the same decision.  What has happened is our relationship was based on half-truths because we were not both being 100% honest with each other about our relationship.  This caused things in our friendship to appear to be good, when really we were walking on thin ice.

When this happens, it is hard to say what will happen when the ice gives way.  Will it be every person for themselves, or will you both work together to get out of the frigid waters together and back to safety?

With that being said, I am going to embrace being honest with those I love and care about.  If it offends you and you cant take it, then it is best that we part ways. I have said for many years - I am an equal opportunity offender.

I am not concerned about losing friends by doing this.  I know my core closest friends that will be there for me no matter what (even if it involves a walk in the woods at night with a shovel and a body) if I am brutally honest with them. 

This is not to say that I am going to offer my opinion to everyone I know and tell them what I think about their appearance, how they are raising their children, or their choice in music.  However if someone asks me if their jeans make their butt look fat, I am not going to tell them what they want to hear, I will tell them what I truly feel even if this means that we do not talk again for a while, or ever.  Best to be truthful to them so they do not make a fool out of themselves.