Brutal Honesty

Honesty is the quality of being honest.

hon·est  - adjective \ˈä-nəst\
1 - good and truthful : not lying, stealing, or cheating
2 - showing or suggesting a good and truthful character
3 - not hiding the truth about someone or something : not meant to deceive someone

Honesty is one of the qualities we are all taught at a young age.  Do not lie, tell the truth.  If you want true, brutal honesty, ask a child (5-10 years old) what they think of something.  Most humans of this age have not learned about being honest vs. being nice and saying something that won't hurt someone else's feelings.

Have you ever heard a child ask their mom or dad whilst in public - Why is that guy so fat?  Yes, I have heard this when in public.  It is no secret that I have a little bit of what you might refer to as a "weight problem".  Do I get offended when someone calls me fat to my face, or makes comments about it when in ear shot?

No.  Why not, I should have the right to get offended at this, however it is no secret that I am what the medical field refers to as morbidly obese.  It is a choice I have made (consciously or subconsciously) to consume more calories every day than I use.  Not everyone views it this way, and it is a struggle for many of us every day.  I may be overweight, however I am not just a lazy guy.  I am able to climb flights of stairs and quite often I will opt for the stairs over the elevator unless it is over about 8-10 flights, or I have heavy suitcases to carry. I am comfortable and confident in owning the fact that I am what I am.

Why are we so afraid to be honest with each other as adults?  Best I can surmise is that it has to do with the human need to be social and have friends to share our lives with.  We do not want to say anything to offend someone else for fear that they may stop associating with us.

I have had my fair shares of being brutally honest with my friends and family.  I can tell you that there will be 1 of 3 outcomes from a dose of brutal honest:
1 - They will never want to talk to you ever again
2 - They are mad for a while but eventually realize number 3
3 - They will respect you for being frank and earnest with them and not trying to placate them.

In my experience, most of my friends end up in the third category eventually.  Their instinct is to jump into the second category, but after thinking about what was said and realizing that it is just honesty they tend to come around to respecting me for voicing my opinion.  If they choose to jump into the first category and stay there, then I really don't care to have them as my friend. 

"I'd rather you hate me for everything I am than have you love me for something that I can't (be)"

   - Five Finger Death Punch

I have had some experiences lately where I have chosen NOT to be brutally honest with some people I have been around as have they made the same decision.  What has happened is our relationship was based on half-truths because we were not both being 100% honest with each other about our relationship.  This caused things in our friendship to appear to be good, when really we were walking on thin ice.

When this happens, it is hard to say what will happen when the ice gives way.  Will it be every person for themselves, or will you both work together to get out of the frigid waters together and back to safety?

With that being said, I am going to embrace being honest with those I love and care about.  If it offends you and you cant take it, then it is best that we part ways. I have said for many years - I am an equal opportunity offender.

I am not concerned about losing friends by doing this.  I know my core closest friends that will be there for me no matter what (even if it involves a walk in the woods at night with a shovel and a body) if I am brutally honest with them. 

This is not to say that I am going to offer my opinion to everyone I know and tell them what I think about their appearance, how they are raising their children, or their choice in music.  However if someone asks me if their jeans make their butt look fat, I am not going to tell them what they want to hear, I will tell them what I truly feel even if this means that we do not talk again for a while, or ever.  Best to be truthful to them so they do not make a fool out of themselves.

Building your team

team - noun \ tēm\ : a group of people who work together

The definition of team is a bit ambiguous as to how well they work together, or what they are working towards, however one would assume that the entire team would be working towards a common goal, and that they should also work well together.

Most of us will immediately think of the teams of our favorite sport, such as football, baseball, basketball, rugby, soccer, or even NASCAR race teams.

All of these teams have a goal - to be the best in their sport and to beat other teams in their league.  As many of you know, I am an avid Buffalo Bills and also Sabres fan.  I am quite used to having my team NOT do very well and they rarely accomplish their goals.  The Sabres are still DEAD LAST in the NHL conference as a whole for this year.

So, what happens when a team is not doing well?  Changes need to be made.  Those who are performing poorly tend to be cut from the team, and it may be necessary to find out why some players are not working well with others on the team.  If these changes do not work, it may be necessary to make even bigger changes that involve changing the team's leadership (coaches).

Even then it still may take time for the changes to help out.  Keep in mind all of the other teams are doing everything they can to improve themselves and be the best they can be too! 

I have a few friends that when they need something they will post something on a social media site that begins with "Team" followed by their name.

I think this is a neat concept and feel honored that these people think of me as someone who is on their team.

This got me thinking about my team, what the goals are, and who I want on my team.  Now, there is not an option to swap out the coach on Team John, however the players on the team should be there to help him out.  Some members on the team are there for moral support, some for comedic relief, and others to be cheerleaders. 

There are others that are on my team that used to be helpful for me and my goals, but now they are just riding the pine as of late.

Needless to say I have been doing a lot of thinking about my team roster, and what needs to be done to keep my team performing the best that it can. 

Keep in mind that just because I have you as a friend/follower on a social media site does not mean you are automatically on my team, that is a privilige that is only afforded to a select few.  You know who you are, and when I make my cuts, you may not know it right away, but you will learn soon enough when things change between us and I no longer come an lean on you for support.  But those who are on Team John, you are well aware of who you are and I am very greatful to have you in my life to support me on this journey. 

I strongly urge all of you to think about the team that you have assembled to help you on your journey through life and work on building a team that is there to help push you to be the best you can be and also get you to the goals you want to accomplish in life and most importantly love you and support you for who you are.

Regretting your hindsight

I am sure you have all heard that hindsight is 20/20.  Sure, looking back we could say that we could've or should've have done something different at some point, however doing this is like living with regrets.  I believe in living with no regrets, kinda like this guy:

Well, he may have one regret if he ever learns how to spell...

Every day we make decisions.  Each decision is calculated on what we think is best for us at that given moment and is based on the cards we have in our hand. 

• Should I call in sick today?
• Red shirt or green shirt?  
• Should I take the highway or back roads to work? 

Living in the past done nothing for us other than to cause anxiety about what could have been.  At the same time it is not good to live in the future about what you will be doing or where you will be in 1 year, 5 years, or 20 years from now.  This causes stress about moving towards your plan, and ulitmately being let down when you do not achieve your goals.

I have had people over the years tell me how they are jealous of one or more facet of my life: what I have, what I do, where I work, where I travel.  To these people, I will say this - don't be jealous of me or wish you could trade places.  Where I am is a collection of MY life experiences.  Each of you have a collection of your own life experiences that makes you (for better or worse) who you are today, what you believe in and so fourth. 

My life may seem great, decent job, jetsetting lifestyle (as I sit at Heathrow airport typing this up), and up until recently a seemingly great marriage.

My life has not turned out anything like what I expected it to be when I was a kid,  teenager or even as a college student.  It has turned out BETTER than I ever could have imagined!  Despite my current situation there is not one thing I would change about it, or anything in the past.  And the woman I married?  I just want her to be happy and find happiness.  I wish nothing bad on her and I still care about her and want nothing but the best for her.  I am a much better person for having known her and she is a huge part of the reason that I am who I am today, and that I am where I am today.  We do not know what the future holds, life is a journey and not a destination.

I am trying my best to live in the present.  Take each day for what it is, a day.  I recently watched Varsity Blues where the coach said to his players, "48 minutes for the next 48 years of your life."  Live the next 48 minutes for what it really is, 48 minutes.  Live each day for today.  Make the best of it, and be sure those who you love know how much you love and care about them.  Each breath could be your last, though hopefully we all have many many more.

I have also had a lot of people offer me sympathy, pity or other emotions for my change in my situation recently.  Although it is great to know I have friends who care about me enough to offer these, I do not need or want your pity or sympathy.  I have found my life to be much more fulfilling in the past few months by embracing the joys of what I have than to embrace the sorrow of what I lost. 

Life is like a grind stone.  It wears you out or sharpens you up, it just depends on what you are made of.
In the past, I was letting life wear me out but I have turned myself around to where I am getting sharpened up again.  It is a slow process, but it is worth it.  And to anyone else who is letting life wear you down, know this - you ARE worth fighting for!

Greener grass - Most of you have also heard the phrase "The grass is greener on the other side if the fence."  One lesson I have learned myself is that if the grass is greener on the other side, maybe you should look and see what you are doing to the grass on your side of the fence.  Stop pissing in your grass and actually taking care of it and you would be surprised how green your grass can get.

If you are envious of of someone's station in life as compared to your own, rather than sulk about how unfair it is, or garner hatred towards those individuals, it is so much better and healthier to ask yourself what YOU can do to change your station in life.  You are the one in control of your life (along with God if you believe in him).  Once you realize what can be done, start doing what needs to be done to improve yourself.  Then throw out that mirror that causes you to look at your past and then start watering, fertilizing and aerating your grass so it is as lush and green as you want it to be.

With that being said, I am going to sign off and wish you the best.  Catch you all when I get back State-side.

Life ≠ Work

Wow, it is amazing how busy life can get from time to time.  I have not pestered my loyal reader(s) with any new updates here for 5 months, so I best get crackin!

I am often amazed when I look back at a time period and realize how much work dominates my life.  I know I am not alone and many others fight this same battle silently thinking they are the only one.

For the most part, we all have to work so we can live our lives.  Something to do with paying bills so we can have a roof over our heads and such.  But, without realizing it one can just get consumed with their work and next thing you know you say: 

Holy Crap!  Where did the time go? 

because you were so consumed in your work and let it take over your life. 

Since I last posted, I have logged about 1400 work ours and it has only been about 3600 hours, and I have spent over 1000 hours of that sleeping.  This leaves about 1200 hours of non-working ME time.  No wonder I am scratching my head wondering what happened!

Many employers are always trying to help us manage our work life balance.  I know mine sure is.  But, from what I can tell, the only way they are happy with it is when

WORK = LIFE. 

This is NO BUENO!

The past few weeks have had me thinking a lot about my life, and what is important.  Making sure I can pay my bills is important, but at what cost to my personal life?  It is similar to balancing your purchases.  I know some people with really nice houses and average cars and they are struggling to make their next payment because they over-indulged in their house and have no way to enjoy life and take a vacation because they are now house-poor.  I also know some people who opted to go for a smaller house (or condo/townhouse) that may cramp their style a bit, but then they can afford the car they want AND still have some spending money left over.  I do not feel like I am house-poor, but as all of us, I would love to have more money!

Do I love my job?  Hell yes!  I get to go to some neat places (and some not so neat) and get paid for it.  Some days it feels like a vacation, but others it feels like I am being punished.  

So, I just have to say that take the time to do something YOU want to do every now and again.  Get yourself a treat, toy, gadget, game, night on the town, movie, etc.  You are worth it and deserve it.  Life is not how much money you made, it is where you went, who you talked to and what you did that defines your life.

Remember this:

Do not take life to seriously, you won't make it out alive.

SOBER UP!

Well, since I have not dusted off this soap box yet this year, maybe it is time.  Ever had a bit too much to drink and then out of the blue had something happen whilst being trollied that made you feel completely sober?  Perhaps your significant other opening the garage door and you are in bed with someone?  Maybe it was that guy walking up to you at the Blue Oyster Bar and telling you your outfit is really cute.  Anyone who has had a few too many has had this happen at one time or another.  

Have you ever had something happen when you are stone cold sober that caused you to stop in your tracks and say, 

"HOLY %*&#!!!!"  

I had this happen to me a few short weeks ago.  It happened when I decided to check my weight.  I know I am a big guy, but I have not gotten on the scale in over a year. This was mainly because I did not want to know what it was.  I had a ball park idea, but that was off by a touch.  This sobered me up quite a bit from my daily fog of life that I have been floating in.


I think that we all tiptoe around some things that are blatantly apparent to our friends and family.  Guys - have you ever lied to your lass when she asked "Do these jeans make my butt look fat?"  Why do we feel the need to tiptoe around these issues.  I love the fact that I can tell my wife that her outfit does not look good on her and she does not jump all over me for hurting her feelings, she is mostly thankful that I am honest with her about her appearance so she does not go out of the house looking anything less than absolutely fabulous.  


Perhaps it is time for all of us to grow some thicker skin and sober up to reality.  If the kettle is black and someone calls it black, we should not get offended by it.  If we do not want a black kettle then we should do something about it.  Time to take the bull by the horns and take control of our situations.  If you do not like something, fix it.  Don't just let it irritate you and leave it as is because it is easier to let it grate on your nerves than to try to make a change.  


I know I have put the ball in motion to start making changes to fix my situation.  Keep in mind that this ball did not just start rolling yesterday, it started rolling about a year ago.  If I had not started making changes a year ago, I would not be here on this soap box right now (and you may wish I had not found my soap box).  Change will only happen when you WANT it.  If you are not ready and are not willing to fight for it no matter what, you will most likely be unsuccessful. If you have sobered yourself up and decide to do it, you will be successful in your endeavor.  It may not be easy, but if you really want it then you will do whatever it takes to make it happen.


I like to think I have sobered up myself pretty well recently.  I have thick skin (and a thick skull to match) so I can take just about anything that anyone throws at me without getting offended. 


Lets hope the guy at the top of the post makes a few changes so he does not end up in this predicament again anytime soon, or ever.

Alright, time to hop of the soap box.  Lets just hope my friends do not figure out where I am hiding this soap box or they will take it and burn it.  

SEIZE THEM!

Usually when you hear the term "SEIZE THEM" it is typically followed by a term like "scurvy naves" and is being said by someone like Black Beard.
I am often humbled by life and how everything can change so quickly.  We often make plans and as we are executing them something inevitably happens.  Often, it is just a minor pothole that we may not have expected, and it may only slow us down for a few seconds.  Other times that pothole can cause you to blow a tire that compromizes a brake line and next thing you know you are free falling off of a cliff on Mount Everest.  You  never see it coming, and as it is unfolding you are just shocked and stunned as to how you got here.  Then, as you realized that there is no good way to get out of the situation other than to ride it out.
As an adult, this is just how it goes.  There are times that I just want to be 7 years old again sipping some hot cocoa and making s'mores on a camp fire on a cool fall night.  But, then I remember that I would be living with my parents, and I would not be able to drive a car, or sit on my back deck and toke on a wonderful cigar whilst sipping on some of the finest whiskey that ever came from Tennessee.
I have had an interesting year, with many great triumphs, met many great new people, and got the chance to further my career.  I was able to enjoy my work, and get to see some great places this year, including my own house for a good portion of it.
It was not all roses and butterflies though.  This past month has been a tough one.  The most amazing person I know had to go under the knife yet again to try to regain control of her life.  It has been extremely difficult to see such a strong person once again be humbled to the fact that they are human, and that they cannot do some things on their own.  Having to help her these past 4 weeks reconfirms what I know.  I love her uncondtionally, and truly in sickness and in health.  Secondly, that I am NOT ever going to pursue a career in nursing or health care of any sort.
During this time, I had to deal with the sudden loss of a close family friend that I have known for over 3 decades.  She was my second mother and always looked after me as if I was one of her own.  Although she will be missed by almost everyone she ever met, we should not ever wish for her to be back in her earthly form with us, but know that she is smiling down on us from the heavens, and will be waiting for us at the gates of Heaven with open arms followed shortly by some of the best food you will ever taste. 
8 days later, I found out that one of my close friends who has been batteling cancer and kidney failure for the past 6 months had made is hast stand and that it was time to throw in the towel.  He had spent 20 years proudly serving the United States Marine Corps and retired as a Gunnery Sargent.  He fought hard at everything he had ever done, and he knew when a battle was not worth fighting.  He lived his life by this motto:  You had better stand for something or you will fall for anything.  He was a wonderful person to have as my friend for the last 11 years of my life.  He was a very outspoken man in many areas and we had many discussions over the years where we had to agree to disagree.  He did not hold a grudge, and had the ut most respect for anyone who deserved it.  He was not afraid to call you out if he thought you were wrong.  Gunny, you will be missed, but I am a better man for having known you. I am sure by now he has made his precence known in the afterlife, and that he has already gone and gotten his CCW and a new bike and will be cruising around on his Hog until we can all meet again.
I am so greatful to have a wife who is so understanding that she did not even think twice when it came to allowing me to attent the services to celebrate the life and times of these two great people, even though she herself needed me just as much.  She was not able to attend, but she made sure that everything was taken care of. 
The two solo road trips I took to attend the services, I had plenty of time to reflect on what these people meant to me, and think about how I am living my life.
(By this point, I am sure anyone reading this is scratching their head regarding the title and intro of this about pirates capturing someone)
These two individuals who are no longer with us spent a combined 11 decades on this earth.  At times it seems as if it is not nearly long enough for either of these wonderful people, but we must remember to celebrate them for who they are and what they stood for.
I think the biggest spiritual growth I have taken away from the events of this December is this:  SEIZE THEM!  The "Them" I am referring to is anything that you have ever wanted to do.  Skydiving, climbing a mountain, or getting a shiny new sports car.  Life is never long enough for anyone.  If there is something you are thinking you should do, then you should do it.  You may not have tomorrow to do it.  You may not be able to do it right now, but figure out what you need to do to get the ball rolling so tht you can make the most of your time, and do things that you enjoy. 
And now for an excerpt from the closing remarks from one of the guest speakers at DJ's service: (I do not remember it word for word)
Although her flame no longer burns, that does not mean that we are all now living in darkness.  We often extinguish lights as the dawn approaches.
I shall not say Rest In Peace to either of these souls as I know that neither of them is resting.
They are already busy making Heaven a better place for all who are there, and for all who will be there soon.
Ok, time to put this soap box away for the rest of the year. I promise

Your smartphone does not make you smart...

Wow, I forgot where I put this soapbox for the past few months. Hold on a moment while I blow the dust off of this. *coughing*

I remember the days when you only talked on the phone when it was connected to a wall, and you hated calling anyone with a bunch of 8's, 9's or 0's because it took so long for the dial to come back around.  My best friend had a number ending in 8007 UGH!  

Now, smartphones are becoming more and more annoying common every day.  I have seen people using food stamps to pay for their groceries whilst talking on a smartphone.  They can be a great tool if used properly.  If not, they can make you become a complete tool.  

I am not talking about the guys that are doing dumb things with their smartphones.  We all do that, and even though that may be dumb, it does not always make you a tool.

I remember a buddy in college that got one of the first phones that could access the internet on his phone.  We are sitting at a bar trying to pick up girls and he is worried about if someone sent him an email.  Put down your phone and look around you!  There is no reason you need to be checking your email at a bar unless, well never!

I was working with one of my colleagues who recently got a smartphone issued by our company.  I was trying to give him some on the job training and every time his email beep went off his phone came out and he was buried in his phone replying to the email and not taking advantage of learning from the expert in the field.  Same thing when a text comes in.  I can understand the text a bit more, but if you need to respond because your wife just got into a major Barney, then OK, fine.  Just ask me to pause...

It is rather interesting sitting in a conference room when a corporate wide email comes in anymore.  Everyone pulls out their smartphone to see what it is, only to shrug it off and stick the phone in their pocket until it beeps again.  Except me.  I got annoyed with how often the email beep goes off and silenced it.  Heck, I even turned off push email service to save battery life.  My phone only checks my email when I open the app.  I check it about once every hour or so, which should be sufficient for an email response because...IT IS EMAIL!  If they need an answer now, pick up the phone and call.  I may let it go to voicemail, but I will get back to you.  

It is even more fun when ONE person in the room gets an email and watch everyone pull out their phone to see that it wasn't theirs since everyone in our office has the same ringtones since they have no clue how to customize their smartphone.

So, please do remember to use your smartphone wisely and not to turn your friends off because you got an important email at supper time.  One of my friends said something to the effect of this:  It is a good thing not everyone has a smartphone.  Someone has to honk when the light turns green! Humorous, yes, but it is not exactly the best time to use your smartphone.  See one of my other soapbox posts for a rant about driving...

I will admit that I am not the best with this all the time and occasionally I will pay more attention to my phone than the company I am with.  If you see me doing this, please swat me.


Time for me to get off my soap box.